


Tears (Streak)

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [240]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 06:17:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10848189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Down your face...





	Tears (Streak)

The first time, Hux didn’t even know. No one knew. That was the beauty of a mask: you could look however you needed to, and no one would know. You could be amused, disgusted, bored, overjoyed, or all but destroyed… and no one would ever know.

The first flickers of emotion that were so hard to hide, those were all smothered away. No tell-tale twitches. No lines around the eyes and mouth. No dilating pupils, or flushing ears, or opened lips. 

So the first time he cried, no one knew. The vocoder did a good job of mangling his tone, and all he needed to do was exaggerate too much in one direction, and none would be any the wiser.

Kylo tried not to do it often. It was uncomfortable to drown your face like that, and also it was… it was not ideal. It made him feel like he wasn’t in control, and like he might be discovered at any moment, but it would happen.

He’d always been an emotional person.

When Hux’s claws worked their way deep into his shell enough to bare his face, Kylo had forgotten how to hide.

One night, a fight. A disagreement, but one that went deeper than just alternative viewpoints on their strategy. Not just Force-vs-force. Not just that, but… _personal_.

Over something _stupid_. Something he now doesn’t remember entirely how the first shot was fired, but which whirled higher and higher until Kylo could barely breathe, and needed to _fight_. Not physically, but he felt like a caged animal, prodded, poked, and close to death. 

And he’d - he’d just seen it. Seen what it would be like, to go from this - this _truce_ , this friendship, this… companionship and care… to… _nothing_. No, not nothing: to _hate_.

(Because oh so easily could the stirrings of love turn into that. All love: familial or otherwise.)

Hux hating him, loathing him, despising him. Hux’s eyes as angry with him as they’d ever been with Kylo’s past. Kylo flayed open and raw, giving Hux the ammunition to truly bring him down.

Being… alone. Losing something so… terribly, achingly precious, even if it was still only nebulous and uncertain.

And he’d cried. At first the silent silvers of water below his lashes, and then the streaks that chased the lines of his face and dripped salt onto his lips. Grief over the death of the last good thing he could think of, even though it hadn’t even really come to that.

He just realised it _could_. He could invest his very core into this, and it not be enough. He could fight with all he had, and Hux decide he wasn’t worth the effort. 

And he hadn’t been able to cope.

“Are you - are you _crying_ , Ren?”  


Ren. Not Kylo. The dissolution already begun. “ _No_.” Thickly, as if through treacle. Choking his throat, making his ears thunder.

“What in the stars is your problem?”  


And there: the perfect moment. One of those points you usually realised afterwards as something key. A word, a decision, a choice that would cascade throughout the rest of your life. Normally made in an instant, a rash decision, and repented at leisure.

But for once, he felt the scales as they wobbled. _This way, or this?_

Words tried out inside of his head: angry, dismissive, empty… true.

“I… am afraid.”  


“Afraid? Of what?”  


You can do it. You can do it. Either you risk everything, or… you hole up.

“Afraid… that this - that we - will… that… I don’t want to lose you.”  


That makes Hux’s face drain of blood, and it’s clearly not what he expected to hear. Not at all. “You… expect me to just… agree with you at all times, on all things?”

“No, but I also don’t know how to disagree without it turning into a war,” Kylo replies.  


Which is kind of the problem. 

Hux runs a finger around the cuff of his shirt, the little tell _he_ has for when he doesn’t know what to do. It feels like the whole universe is splayed-open and bleeding out, over something as simple as words. 

“I… do not want… to lose you, either. But I don’t know how… how I could ever promise it wouldn’t happen.”  


No, that would be… unwise, Kylo supposes. “What if we both… what if we both promised we would do our best to make sure it didn’t?”

_Do you need me as much as I am beginning to realise I need you?_

“That… sounds like the best plan you’ve come up with all night.”  


And just like that, the path turns. The solar sails flicker in the light, and the ship continues to move. Kylo laughs, and nods. He wipes at the tears, and is glad he cried them, for once.

They’re going to try. That’s… that’s enough. Hux wants this, too, and that’s enough.


End file.
